Life in the Customer Service Lane

There are times when my disdain for the human race in general is almost palpable and then there are times when my hope for the hu…….naw, let’s be honest. I pretty much hate people in general. I feel that I chalk that up to over 25 years spent as a customer service rep.

Humans, especially in the U.S. tend to be lazy and always looking for the easy way out. For instance, at one place that I worked in customer service (waaay back in the 90s) we manufactured and sold outdoor drainage supplies. Large retailers like Home Depot and Lowe’s would buy from us and then re-sell to the public. So of course, someone in the marketing department had the idea that if products were going to be sold to the public then our toll free (1-800) customer service number should be prominently displayed on the package. Now those of us in the customer service department (and I’m guessing any of you that have ever worked in customer service) knew what a bad idea that was. We tried to explain it to marketing to no avail. So of course we were inundated with calls from people that had bought a product at Home Depot or Lowe’s, saw the toll free number and immediately picked up the phone and called us. I mean, why bother reading the step-by-step instructions that were also included when you can call someone and have them hold your hand and speak in small words, right?

One Friday, in fact , it was the Friday before the Northridge earthquake in 1994, (I remember it because it was blazingly hot and still with no wind) I had taken six calls in a row from people that couldn’t be bothered to read instructions. By call number 7 I’d had enough. Therefore, call number 7 went something like this:

Me: “Customer service, this is Yvette, how may I help you?”
Old Guy: “Hi Patty (yep he called me Patty, how you get Patty from Yvette I will never know) I bought this catch basin from Home Depot and I need a bit of help to install it.”
Me: (teeth grinding at being called Patty) May I get your name sir?
OG: Bob Smith
Me : Well Mr. Smith, I’m sure I can help you.
OG: Great, ok so how does this thing install exactly?
Me: Mr. Smith , may I ask you one quick question that could save us both some time?
OG: Well, of course.
Me: Mr. Smith, (in my most polite tone, with my manager listening) have you read the instructions that came with your catch basin?
OG: (sounding very apologetic) ummm, well…I mean, uh, no I didn’t ,Patty.
Me: That’s ok Mr. Smith, this happens a lot. Let’s say I make you a deal. You go and read the instructions and then, if you are still having issues call back and ask for me, I’m at extension 48 and I will be more than happy to help you. Does that sound good?
OG: Sure Patty…I don’t know why I didn’t think of that myself.
ME; No problem, remember if you you’re still having problems after reading the instructions I’m at extension 48.
OG; Ok, extension 48. Got it. Thank you.
Me: Have a nice afternoon Mr. Smith


 But keep in mind that it wasn’t just the consumers….we got ridiculous questions from ”professionals” as well. Example, a phone call from the Manager of the Plumbing department at Home Depot (i won’t mention which store, that would be TOO mean)

Me: Customer service, this is Yvette how may I help you?
HD Mgr.: Hi Beth (really ? Beth? WTF?!?!), I’m the plumbing department manager at the (City, State) Home Depot and I have a customer that is looking for 60 feet of your trench drain. Do you have it in stock and available?
Me: We sure do. How does he want it?
HD mgr.: I’m sorry?
Me: Well, he can either get six -10 foot pieces or ten – 6 foot pieces.
HD Mgr: Oh… and that would be 60 feet? (Ok, we all know that I don’t do math…but come on! Even I can do that math)
Me: ummmm , yeah.
HD MGR. Ok let me ask my customer and I’ll call you right back. Should I just ask for Beth?
Me: Sure, that’ll be fine.

Then there was the Contractor in Mississippi that asked my manager, “so your 12 x 12 drain grate… is that square?”

Don’t get me wrong, there was the occasional customer that would make my day. Like Mr. Smith, he called back and talked to my manager and praised me for the way that I handled his call

My point of all this is, when you have to deal with customer service, try to be nice. They have to deal with idiots, jerks and extremely rude people all day long and they have to be polite. It’s a very stressful job, it doesn’t pay nearly enough and it really does make you hate humans in general. If you can make just one customer service rep smile after a long difficult day, believe me they will love you and will go above and beyond to help you with your issue. Seriously! I recently got an extra 15% off a purchase because I was nice to the customer service rep! Not to mention, it also will give you some good karma.