The "Cult" Called Roller Derby

Oh sure, it starts innocently enough. You decide to check out a roller derby game to see what all the “hub bub” is about. You watch and think,"what the hell is going on out there?” Then the teams do a demo and the announcer explains how the scoring works and you start to think "hey this is kind of cool.” Then you go to a couple more games and you begin to call them “bouts”.

After that you get the all consuming urge to go out and see movies like "whip It " and "Blood on the Flat Track" and you find yourself up late at night searching for roller derby videos on the internet. Eventually you hear from your local league that if you volunteer to help at the next bout you can get in for free, so you volunteer. (This is where it REALLY starts), first you just help to check wristbands at the door. Then you decide “I can do more” and you start frequenting the WFTDA website and reading up on the rules so you can volunteer as an NSO (non skating official). Just the fact that you know what NSO means should be setting off the alarms, but you pay no attention to it.

Now this is where the “cult” of roller derby gets really serious…..you start thinking of a “Derby Name” because, ”well EVERYBODY has one”, and you think it’s just weird that everyone is still calling you by your given name… from this point it can go a couple of different ways….

You will think “Well maybe I will just buy a cheap pair of skates and learn to skate, maybe buy a striped ref shirt, that way if someone can’t make a game I can fill in, I wouldn’t want to leave our girls in a lurch (The fact that you think of the league as “our girls” is the second warning)

OR

You think….I really was a good skater when I was a teenager, maybe I should go back to the rink and start skating again…..I don’t really want to be a roller….but wait, it looks like so much fun! And it has to be a good work out….look at them!

NO MATTER WHAT, DO NOT BUY ROLLER SKATES! Once you buy skates They have you!

You will find yourself wearing a striped shirt and skates and yelling “I said go to the box!” at girls…. You’ll spend countless hours at the WFTDA website studying rules and requirements to become a WFTDA certified ref. You’ll join ref groups online and you’ll start filling out applications to hopefully get in as a ref at Roller Con or March Radness, or any other event or tournament that you can make it to.

Or

You will find yourself in full pads, skates and a helmet and being called “Fresh Meat” by the newbie coach. If you get this far, I’m afraid that there is no hope for you. You have been inducted to the “Cult” of roller derby

Your friends and family will only see you when there are no practices, fundraisers, bouts or committee meetings. Oh sure you’ll be home on the weekend, but you will be glued to your computer trying to watch 4 different roller derby tournaments being webcast that weekend by any number of leagues or via the WFTDA website., You will have bruises everywhere and when someone sees a bruise on your arm and says “Oh! That looks painful” You think nothing of saying “oh that’s a small one, you should see this one on my ass!” as you start to lower your pants to show your friend the prize bruise you have….so what if you’re out to dinner…they NEED to see this.

Yes this is the “cult” of roller Derby and eventually your family will join too, they will have to if they ever want to see you again.